This time last year was a game changer for my husband and I. We were scheduled to go in for an ultrasound to confirm the viability of the little fetus I had growing in my belly. We had not shared the news with many of our friends or family–we were nervous to say the least. I had dealt with a blighted ovum earlier in the year and required a small surgery to remove it. That day, we heard the little flutters that would be my daughter, E’s, heartbeat. I wish I could say I cried and got emotional, etc. But I didn’t, I just smiled and got even more anxious. It would be another 4 weeks until I saw that she was okay again. Each trimester led to more anxiety–Google is not a great friend when you are pregnant. However, that was the time that I learned to let go of the things that I could not control. I reminded myself each day that I had to have faith and change the way I approached my life. It is my job to do as much as I can and leave the rest to God.
With that change I learned that I did not like wasting my time. My time was ultimately precious and I wanted to spend it with those that I love or doing something that I loved (including relaxing). I learned that I wanted to surround myself with positivity because the road ahead as a mother was going to be a difficult one that I would have to learn to embrace. During all of this, my friend Hagar started a journey with a company called Rodan + Fields. I remember my husband encouraged to not think of what she was trying to sell as something “stupid” or even what she did was bothering people. If she had something she truly believed in, she should embrace it and not worry about any one else. Since then she has convinced me to join her, even though I have my own day time job.
The past two weeks I have been fighting myself, thinking too hard, and freaking out a little as to why I made this decision. But tonight as I watch E sleep next to me while I type this, I remember. It was that little heartbeat, that didn’t make me emotional but rather, more determined. Reflecting now, I see what changed in me, I was determined to give my little bean a better life, to give them everything I could and this opportunity working with Rodan + Fields has given me some of that flexibility. The road will not be an easy one, it requires a lot of work, but I am up for it. And I think I will be great at it, but not for my sake but to deal with the ebb and flow of life for my little sweet pea. Join me on this journey and find your freedom!